Why do I hate red (clothes)?

I don't hate red per se. I can enjoy looking at the colour because red is certainly a beautiful colour. It's cheerful, energetic, gives you a ready-to-go vibe, and so on. For some unknown reasons, however, I can never bring myself to wear red. For the longest time, I've been stumped for the reason. Like, it doesn't make sense!

I bought or took red-coloured clothes a couple of times and almost every single time, I'd touched it and put it back. Almost. Every. Single. Time! Like, if there are 100 attempts, only 1 or 2 get through. That's how rare it is. 

The very few times I managed to put it on, I would either take it off after a few minutes OR I would feel uncomfortable, extremely uncomfortable the whole time I'm wearing it.

I tried to google it but I found none that provides a satisfactory answer. I also tried ChatGPT but again, the same disappointing result. 

They did provide me with one clue though. 

The colour I am uncomfortable with may represent something that I am uncomfortable with. And... that's it. I was stuck here for so many years with only that one clue.

It wasn't until a few minutes ago, when I was trying to declutter my closet and underwent the same problem with a red cloth again that I finally understand the reason.

I just hate to stand out. Red-coloured clothes stand out so much, they make me feel like a sore thumb. Nope. Just nope.

I don't know why it took me years to realize this. Seriously. It's kinda stupid. Or rather, I'm the one who is stupid ಠ◡ಠ

Is there such a thing as being both introverts and extroverts?

Quote:
The actual astrology sign Scorpio is not typically described as shy or introverted. They are not Scorpio traits, it's just that Scorpio has a Yin polarity as opposed to Yang. I use Yin and Yang to describe the polarities because there's no confusion in thinking that one is better than the other. You might have heard people describe this as Positive and Negative, Masculine and Feminine, and the one you likely saw was Extroverted and Introverted. This leads to two misconceptions. 

 The first misconception is that everyone born in Yin/Feminine/Negative polarity signs are introverted people, but it's not the people in the signs that are introverted, it's the sign itself that has introverted energy. Most people are a mixture of Yin and Yang energy signs in their birth charts, but others lean more towards one side or the other. However, even if all you signs are Yin or "introverted" signs, it doesn't mean you're an introvert and that is because "introvert" is just a confusing word used to describe the polar energy of a sign and does not mean the same thing as when someone refers to themselves as an introvert. 

The second, and more important, misconception is what introverted actually means. In people, introversion and extroversion are used to describe where a person gets their energy from. Extroversion means that you get your energy and happiness from the world outside of you and the people in it. Many or even most extroverts make friends easily and are energized from loud and exciting environments, and are stereotyped as the partier or popular type, but that is not what extroverted means nor is it accurate. Introverted means you get your energy from within yourself, activities such as reading, writing, painting or even just learning new things give are appealing to most introverts. Introverts are comfortable being alone and feel better through means of self soothing. Introverted does not mean shy, and this is where you get two types of people often forgotten about but surprisingly common, the shy extrovert and the outgoing introvert. Shyness has a lot to do with confidence, something that introversion and extroversion have nothing to do with. The shy extrovert likes being around people and has difficulty being alone or in a quiet room, but doesn't contribute much to the surroundings in return. They might be quiet but the important thing is that they're choosing to be people in a busy environment rather than alone in their room, it doesn't matter if they're talking or being sociable. The outgoing introvert prefers solitude but is confident about their interests and opinions. Because they don't get their energy simply from people, they're actually very interesting, and although they get their energy from themselves, it doesn't mean that they don't project energy elsewhere. Introverts love having conversations actually about something, they don't talk just to talk, so almost everything they say is really entertaining, and if they're confident about their views, they'll do it often and to anyone who'll listen. These are the types to be the life of the party, get a large group of people following them around, and then disappear before the parties over because they'd rather be with just a few of their good friends, which automatically seems cooler than the party. You know the type, the people who everyone seems to need but doesn't seem to need anyone else? That's the outgoing introvert. 

The Scorpios you know might still be truly extroverted, but it's unrelated to how shy they are, and they might actually be introverted. Not all the Yin signs are introverted people and not all the Yang signs are extroverted people, but these are commonly misused terms as well.

Source:
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20130725193546AAEmSwy

This has bugs me for a long time. The person who wrote above was answering the question about what is the difference between extroverts and introverts? Some people misunderstood introverts as being shy. I don't agree with that because I am an introverts for sure but I've never felt like I'm a shy person, well, most of the time. So this definitely clears up my confusion.

Mimpi Ditelan Ular

Tadi aku mimpi ular.

Ramai orang mati tinggal baju saja sebab badan dah dimakan ular termasuk mak aku. Yang hairannya baju mak bersih (baju orang lain aku tak perasan pula). Kalau dimakan ular bukan ke baju tu akan kotor atau ditelan sama? Aku menangis. Kemudian, kami (bukan aku seorang di situ tapi aku tak bagi perhatian pada mereka jadi aku pun tak tahu kalau aku kenal mereka atau tak) jumpa ular berwarna coklat muda dan leper. Sebenarnya aku tak nampak ular makan mak tapi tak tahu kenapa kami ingat ini angkara ular. Ya, aku nampak satu ular saja tapi dalam riuh-rendah tu dengar macam ada banyak ular. Aku tak ingat apa yang jadi lepas tu tapi rasanya aku atau orang lain bunuh ular tu sebelum aku terjaga. Bangun-bangun aku cari mak, dengar suara dia, aku rasa lega dan ucap Alhamdulillah dua tiga kali. Rupanya hanya mainan mimpi saja... Tapi masa aku dalam mimpi tu pun aku rasa tak logik mak dimakan ular. Yelah, baju bersih kan. Macam lesap begitu saja, bukannya sebab ditelan ular.

MUYMG - Nak fikir banyak ke tak?

Tak payahlah... Buang masa je. Cuma satu je la komen aku, kalau pun tak ada makna tersembunyi, aku rasa ada teladan yang boleh diambil dari mimpi ni iaitu benda yang nampak nyata tu tak semestinya betul. Jangan terburu-buru bertindak dek perasaan. Siasat dahulu sebelum buat keputusan. Kesian ular tu kena bunuh walaupun kemungkinan besar bukan salah dia. Akhirnya aku juga yang rasa bersalah.

PS: Sempoi, dalam mimpi pun aku boleh fikir macam tengah buat siasatan, fikir benda logik tak logik!


MUYMG - Edit 07 April 2013 (Ahad)

Kebetulan terjumpa tafsir mimpi tadi, teringat 'post' ni.

Melihat ular mati:
Dia memiliki musuh namun ia dijaga oleh Allah dari kekejian musuhnya

Selamat dari kejaran dan gigitan ular:
Selamat dan aman dari musuh

Sumber: 

http://www.piss-ktb.com/2012/02/1012-tafsir-mimpi-seputar-ular.html

Kalau betul, Alhamdulillah. Amin......

Feeling Frustrated is a Good Source of Inspiration

Just read the 55 Ways How To Find Your Hidden Talent. Well, the title explains it all but one of the interesting ideas is Idea Number 25, Fix Your Frustration.

It's true but not true. I mean, by working on your frustration, what you gain is not exactly talent but developing your skill.

For example, there was one time when I was so frustrated because I can't use my computer because the mouse is broken. So I just switch on the computer and try one by one the keyboard buttons. And that is how I learn to use computer WITHOUT a mouse. Unexpectedly, this knowledge and skill is still useful to me today.

Either way, it's an interesting reminder of how fixing your frustration can help you develop further as a person.

Now... What frustrates me these days?

System dysfunction
It's either because of lack of system, or lack of system implementation or way too complex system. A correct term to describe my life :P

Lack of personal space
I don't know why my mind stops me from doing anything in front of others. Why does it bothers me so much, paralyzes me and demotivates me to the point of inactivity or stunned?

I need to think about this.

You feel like a failure? Guess what - Me too!

I love this thread:
http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/character-contribution/15640-i-feel-like-failure.html

It's a wonder that her life story is so similar to mine and a lot of people; top students, depressed, drop out, feel like a failure, don't know what to do and where we are going.

I love how this article answer this question:
http://www.nvo.com/isleepless/feellikeafailure/

"PERSEVERE - Nothing in the world will take the place of perseverance. Talent will not - Nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not - Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not - The world is full of educated derelicts. PERSISTENCE AND DETERMINATION ALONE ARE OMNIPOTENT. Written by Calvin Coolidge."

And looking at our past experience, used to be top students, it's obviously true.

This article also reminds us to be gentle to ourselves because:

"If you knew someone in the same situation you're in, would you judge them to be a failure? We bet not!"

And strangely, it's true O_O I have recently made contact with my friend and we're in similar situation but I don't feel like she's a failure at all, she's still my friend and I hate it when she looked down on herself. But I also worried that if we are too gentle with ourselves, we would.. not be able to see the truth?

And yet, I think I can remember a friend who is indeed gentle and forgiving to herself, hey, make it two, eh.... Why do I feel like there are a lot? Maybe these are the people we know are content even though they are average and are non-judmental? Maybe that's why these people give us these calming feeling? It kinda wash away our worries..

I have to try this... First I have to accept myself.

Thread reply by Parthon (this link to his reply):
"The steps I took were to accept my current life style: A dropout loser on welfare, then I projected what that would be like in 20 years, a 45 year old drop out loser on welfare and accepted that too. When I fully understood and realised my situation as it currently was, it opened up an opportunity. The opportunity was to, right now in the moment, direct my life towards where I wanted it to be. I saw that strangly enough it's not the big life changing events that turn my life into what it is, it's the small unnoticible ones between the gaps, and it's the ones in the gaps at each moment that I could improve."

So, what is my current lifestyle?

A diploma level course graduate from polytechnic in Information Technology (IT) majoring in programming. Even though I was a top student, that was because of my ability to remember the facts at the last minutes (pull all-nighter study all the time), not exactly because of my 'extraordinary' skills.

I guess I'm pretty good in programming but I am bad at graphic and multimedia manipulation although my drawing skill is a little bit better than most. I guess I can say that my MS Paint skill is really good compared to most people I know. It's not hard when you spend most of your childhood drawing in MS Paint.

I guess what makes me a loser to me is because I am not married yet, or have a job (I am doing an online business but I have nothing to show yet so it's not comparable to a job right now and that is nothing to be proud of), or in university (I got the acceptance letter but I didn't go because I'm not sure if that's what I want to learn). All my previous classmates have fill in one or more of these conditions as to not qualify as a loser. So I feel like I am the only loser among my friends.

Other than that, I am currently living with my mother and she is still supporting me and my younger sister (actually she is more independent than me and able to bring in cash for her own use) with her pensioner wage. So I don't exactly need money right now and my mom don't mind as long I do what I do seriously but it feels bad having to rely on others especially your mother.

I am not as skilled in cooking like most of my female AND male friends. I am average in programming and computer skills. I am not good at housekeeping, to keep it tidy, organized and clean. My general knowledge and current issue awareness are horrible (they doen't interest me) so I don't have much thing to talk with people. I will be 22 years old this November and I don't have any serious achievement not even as a blogger (mainly because I don't socialize).

I accept that this is my current lifestyle right now.

In 20 years for now, IF my online business is unsuccessful, I might be force to either further my education or find a job. For a job, I would probably go for job below my qualification level as my programming skill and multimedia skill are not good. So maybe, shopkeeper, assistant, clerk, manual worker at the stores, cashier, jobs like that. I would be constantly tired because of stress (not because of the work) if I got bad boss. Or if I got good boss, I would be ashamed if I am not useful enough and can't meet his/her expectation.

I would not be able to help my mom much, financially. She doesn't expect much from me so that's okay. I would still probably be a single woman as I just can't imagine sharing a life with a man. I think leading a stressful life like this actually helps me to be more aware of what I have and make me appreciate it more. I would still enjoy the flow of life. And then I would grow old and enjoy my hobbies while spending the money I have collected during my youth and finally die, leaving no print and legacy on this world. Hmm.. is that a bad way to live?

No, it's not. It's an okay life, an annoying one because I would have to meet people all the time, nothing to be ashamed of, but nothing to be proud of either. I accept that.

On the other hand, IF my online business is successful, then... I can imagine not having to worry about money.. but somehow I can't imagine what my life would be like. I don't know what does being successful entails in this business. Would I be busy helping people offline? Would I be busy them online? Would I spend only 2 hours a day to maintain this business? Would I spend almost half of my day for it? I don't know what to expect yet.

If I'm not busy with my business, I could be busy spending my time browsing and investing properties (or is it called assets?). Or, I could be relaxing doing nothing. Or, pampering myself in spa and beautician center. Or, I could be spending my time learning how to cook and keep my house tidy, organized, fun and clean.

It's a better life since I won't be a burden to others AND I would have at least one thing to be proud of, my business. I accept that too.

So where do I want to go? :) Wow, I thought my future was bleak. This is a good exercise and revelation...

Who Are The Weak Minded People?

I think this girl nailed it of who are the weak minded fools:

Laziness would be one thing that would lead to weak mindedness. I would think that a lazy person with no goal or vision would simply be like a huge big sponge absorbing whatever water it can find to stay full and with the least amount of effort. Look at Hobos - they are simply takers and care nothing about looking for something to stimulate them.

The second thing on my list would be a negative attitude and yielding to it - almost quitting. " I am no good therefore I will never be anything so I may as well give up" "Oh woe is me - its all about poor old me me me!!!!" If people realized that they had a role to play in life and are a puzzle piece that makes up the entire world and necessary, they would change their attitudes. Negative draws more negative to it and leads to extreme lethargy numbness of feelings and eventually self extermination. How sad is that!!! Its what people choose that either makes them or breaks them.

Choose positive and positive will come to you and bring more positive things in your direction and whats more is you will be liked because people enjoy being around positive people!!!! Negative people become a drain on others and then are avoided because of their crippled emotions and that is where the problem lies. Emotions are stunted and growth of maturity remains where the hurt took place and never moves forward until the hurt is forgiven. Its all about choice and not feeling.

If you feel to forgive you will never do it but choose to with determination and action and suddenly what appeared to be a huge mountain disappears into nothing and before you is a road that says run on me and off you go. When you look back you laugh when you realize that such a small issue could really blind you and contaminate your thoughts feelings and emotions to the point of stunting you!! How sad is that. Worse still is that this world of ours is sick because of the very fact that people don't FEEL like forgiving others - they like being angry and allowing the negative feelings and emotions and thoughts bind them and hold them captive. How silly is that (That to me is weak-mindedness - the inability to take action over negative thoughts feelings and emotions and rather give in to them!!)

Source: Yahoo Answer

Wow, she has very good points!

Though I am pretty sure I'm neither weak or strong minded at the moment. I am lazy but I have my goal in life so I strive to be a better person. I have my own belief that I choose to follow instead of doing what everyone else is doing. I am quite negative and skeptical but I opt to be more positive when I catch myself doing it. Still, I feel like I'm more draining than exciting to others. So like I said, I'm neither strong or weak right now.

This post is too true too, Why Weak Minded People Suffer from Addiction.

Not that I'm trying to condemn anyone but there must be something wrong with anyone who is addicted to anything. They can't control their feeling and movement even if they're aware of the damages. It can be food (hello, obesity), it can be drug (hello, bipolar people), it can be smoke (hello, lung cancer), it can be sex (hello, gonorrhea), it can be playing computer games (bye bye reality world), it can be slashing your arms (woo, fake battle scars are hot too), it can be pulling your hair (hello, premature baldness), it can be just about anything.

They are procrastinating from doing something. They're procrastinating because they don't want to do something. So... what IS that thing? What can you do about it?

The thing is different for everyone. For me, I hate to works on something not good at as I hate to disappoint others. What can I do about it? Life goes on. So do my best to keep up I guess.

Rich People Minus Negative Thoughts

Why am I not flashy? by Ryan

I got the link from one of Potpie Girl's latest email. I admire them both for being able to 'get it' and being able to eloquently express their thoughts and feelings. I love their writing, it sounds so normal yet full of value. It's like talking to a real people. I know they are real but their writing makes me able to realize that they are indeed real people.

The point of having money for us normal people is not to be able to gloat to other people. The first priority is to have a peaceful life. Because it's hard not to worry and being scared all the time even before going to sleep when you wonder all the time if you're going to have enough money to cover your life tomorrow.

I saw someone rich (don't remember who) posted on Facebook that you have to be happy before you can be rich (or is it financially free?) not the other way around. I wonder if that's true. But someone did say negativity brings more misfortune, so positivity should attract more good things in life.

And then secondly, it seems most of these rich people read lots and lots of books before they are successful (or was it all? Nah...). I think the books are either related to their interests like financial advices (I am pretty sure this is Irfan Khairi) or personal development (ah, who that's girl again? Oh yeah, Katie Freiling).

Another thing is most of the successful people either came from selling or networking background (like dad owns grocery store, or parents are hawkers) or from poor family.

What else do the rich people do before they become rich?

Oh yeah, really rich people are frugal, know where their money is going and they don't spend needlessly! I know I read that somewhere in one of Yahoo! articles regarding rich people habits. They don't have debt, most of them even admit that they will collect free money even if it isn't much if they could.

I used to be... kinda, jealous and hate them because I thought they don't understand me. I don't care about flashy things, BMW cars, big houses, long vacations in 5-stars hotel and so on. I just want to live peacefully without having to worry not having enough money to live on tomorrow or this month.

I thought about how I can't do what they do. I hate reading book (article is fine), I dislike talking with people, I hate socializing or partying, so how could I do what they do when I really really don't want to? I just want a friend, who would remain by my side and share thoughts with me.

I don't mind working in solitude at home. I don't mind to mindlessly cooking, cleaning, whatever all day. I don't mind to be a housekeeper as long I don't have to talk to people or handle the kids.

I thought about how I don't spend much money at all. I could just survive to continue living solely on meager monthly paycheck. However, I also realize that if I choose to do it that way, I won't be able to support myself if I got into accident and have to rest for even one month to recover.

So I continue envying those rich people who don't have to worry about not having enough money. I continue wondering what it would be like to be born in a rich family.

And then in the same article mentioned at the top of this post, Patsy (this link to her comment) spoke up. She talked about a book she had been reading:

I was always jealous of rich people until I read a book that said this was giving off negative energy and that I should be admiring them and asking them how they got there. Self made millionaires have had to work hard.

I will always take what people say with a pinch of salt, and even throw it over my shoulder. You have worked hard, I BELIEVE in you and loved how real you have always been.

And it made me realize that they indeed do work hard to get to where they are right now. For example, my ex-boss (I hate him by the way) is very mean, got nasty mouth, look down on people, expect his worker to respect him just because he is their boss, don't trust anyone, a lier (yes, he is!), always late with payment but expect people to pay him fast (I hate him!) and so on. But he is also very good at keeping track of his finance, very neat, love his family very much (Ugh, and he always remind us that he has to take care of his family while looking down at us. What? We don't have to take care of our family?), read a lot, never procrastinate, very shrewd (to the point of lying), very detailed, and spend lots of his time working or with his family.

And another example is, most of the successful people that I personally have met or know, are very busy people (another reason why I think I can't be like them, I am very.. relaxed to the point of being a slowpoke or uncaring or so my mom said). It seems like they are doing million things everyday but still loving it.

Oh, which bring me to another habit of rich people.. They don't care what others might think, they just do it! I keep hearing this phrase ever since I joined an online business. Still, I'm not cashing in much money yet. I know mom has joined this online business for 6 months (now 7) but we stopped doing it because like I said, rich people' habits (or at least the ones in this particular business) clash horribly with our personalities and habits. We don't see eyes to eyes even though I understand their reasonings.

But, I decided to get serious early this month and just do what they say because they are able to make a lot of money and I don't. I've started my Facebook Ads campaign. I still haven't seen any result, sure I got a lot of subscribers but still no one upgrade to become a paid member under my network.

Ugh... they say, be patience, keep learning and improving yourself, be consistent, and I or any paid members will reap the results in one to six months. Looking at how different our attitudes and personalities are, this is going to be a long 6 months but hopefully with very good results in the end. I sure hope it worths it and it won't take away my moral codes and values!

Kylyssa's Unusual Experience

Recently I came across very good articles about being homeless by Kylyssa. I don't remember how I came across these articles but it raises an interesting insight about myself.

Ever since I was a child I am always afraid of something. I don't know what I'm afraid of but I am always ready for war. I don't even want to pretend to know what I'm thinking.

I often catch myself interested to learn about things like how to survive in the wild, how to neutralize water, what to pack during emergency, how to fight, how to swim and recently how to survive being homeless and how to make beef jerky. Of course, I've never learnt all these things because it isn't useful to me at moment but still... Why do I think like this? Why am I so interested in learning about survival? Is there something wrong with me?

Can you understand this feeling? The feeling that you might be alone any moment or any kind of comfort or luxury will be taken without notice? I don't understand why I feel like this.

I know I live in a developing country, if the big country like US to suddenly declare war on us us... we might not be able to fight back. And then, it's the fact that our land is small.. If any kind of natural disaster like meteor or something happen, our land might be drowned. But, Malaysia is a peaceful country and if meteor whatever happen, life ends. That's it!

I was just a kid! Not more than 9 when I started packing for disaster, if I'm not mistaken. Why do I have this feeling? Did I watch to much cartoon and anime during that time? *racking up my memory* .... Nope, that was on later years.

I think part of it is because I don't trust my luck. Come on, loved the most by parents since baby, clever (not boasting, it's just that I think I'm stupid but I often get quite good results in class), pretty (again, not being vain, it's just that people rarely thinks I'm ugly), babied by parents and aunts even though you're useless? Get real, only rich kids can live like this forever. Their parents fortune can last them for probably multiple lifetime!

Or is it because I hate civilization? I don't hate hate it, if that makes sense. I love luxury and comfort just like everybody else. But.. there's part of me that wonder what would it be like if there's no technology? Would I be as lazy and piggish? Would I be able to lay in the sun and do manual labor like I wish could? Would I be more active and useful? It's annoying that I keep dreaming of impossible, senseless or useless thing... What's wrong with me?

It's entirely a different matter if a jobless adult feel like this. After all you're expected to make a living of yourself, take care of yourself, pay for the bills, get a home, and not leeching from your parents anymore. So when you couldn't or didn't, you can't help but feel helpless or expecting your parents or friends to kick your butt and leave you. You are at risk of having to fend yourself in the wild and being homeless.

But for a kid to feel like this? A kid who live in a peaceful country, with great family and friend, good school result and no money problem? It's not normal.

Why Do I Want to Be Rich?

I like to live in a quiet place. I dislike noise. I'd like to develop my skill. I practically want to be left alone. As for why I want to get rich is so I can do all that and also for vanity reason. If I die today, what would anyone remember about me? None! Okay, so maybe my mom will remember me but what about other people? All they would remember is probably, a quiet girl, loner, IT student... and that's it.. I think. So I want to get rich so at least other people will somewhat remember me like Warren Buffett, Yaro Starak, Irfan Khairi, Robert Kiyosaki and so on.

Sometimes I think it's not really about becoming a popular person, it's more about verifying my worth or identity. Consider this:

If I know how to get rich and I have become rich, would I care about people knowing that I am rich and I know how to get there if I become poor again? No, I don't care! I would be completely satisfied to leave this busy world and hide myself from society, living an easy life where I can learn whatever I want at my own pace. Some of the things that I want to do since I was a child is living in a van. I work from home. Be an amazing cook. Be a really efficient person. Not a burden to my family. Able to help family members whenever they need it. Be self-reliant. Be an amazing, unique artist. Have a permanent house where I'll visit every week or month. My mom can go travel whenever she wants, eats whatever new cuisine she wants, enjoys the best of whatever life could give her.

Even before I know about online home business, I've been dreaming about working for myself, by myself, whenever, wherever I want. If that is not what I really want, I don't know what is.

So I want to be rich, I really really want to be rich, I really really really want to be rich as soon as possible to gain the freedom to do what I really really want!

But now, I'm starting to think that I'm at the wrong path. How do people get rich anyway? From what I've read about successful people, one thing that they have in common is they're doing what they like, something they're passionate about. So that is one thing to ponder about. One of the most popular question ever.... What is MY passion?