MUYMG Blog Mind Renovation

I know I'm going somewhere with this blog. It's clearer now.

It's not about money. I don't care. I can go back to further my study, my result is good enough anyway. Or I could get work on.. oh, I don't know.. McDonald, KFC? Whatever... I don't care... I just can't take too much pressure. It's not my whole life anyway. So no more banners as I hate those anyway...

It's my journal except I vow to write it in better grammar and vocabularies.

It's not about the reader. Sure, it would be good to have more readers who would leave comments. But the point is I want to have a conversation. I think lately Twitter satisfy those needs better than any of my blog visitor because they aren't replying to me just to be polite. So no more Shoutbox? Hmm... I have to delete my account then.

All I want is to analyze myself. I'm always interested in psychology. I want to know what makes me angry? Why? What is my strength? What is my weakness? How can I succeed in life? How can I help others? Why am I not as compassionate as others? Why am I so lazy? I wonder why I react like that? I wonder how people interact with each other? I wonder who am I? Who are my mom? Who are the people who I thought I know? There's just so many depth and details in everything.. Stuff like that is intriguing.

Have I told you my dream? When I was a kid, I always dreaming of being a cold, beautiful, smart lady in unsuspecting front. The type that people usually brush off. I also dream of being very good in what I do. I don't know what that is but, damn, I'm going to find it. Hopefully it's not something like sleeping too much, being half-ass, things like that. I'm dreaming of having a lot of money comes to me without much effort.

I'm dreaming of not being a nuisance to others. I can live alone and makes money. I dream of sending my mom to travel around the world, buying her anything she wants, pamper her to spas and so on... Seriously, what am I thinking? I think my dream is kinda strange for a kid.

It's like all I want is to live peacefully. I don't care about what others think.

To be more accurate, I live in my world and I don't care to explore, to care about politics, to care about manipulating others, to care about being better than others, to create havoc in other people lives. So it definitely is not about popularity.

Well, my mom always says that I look like I'm walking on cloud, like a girl in love, devoid of logical thinking with no sense of the surrounding. I guess, it's true.

It's a blissful, serene feeling, no doubt..... but I'm starting to wonder if I'm destined to achieve anything great at all in this world, if people would ever remember my foot prints. Dreamers don't seem to be that successful in real life.

Oh, well, one step at a time. For now, I want to accept that this blog is for me, not others. So calm down and make it good for myself first before I cater to others.